Postponing the inevitable: Part 2

So, I had my, uh, exam last week. The one that I was dreading and have been putting off for like, four or five years. The pelvic. And yeah, I think calling to make the appointment was more nerve wracking than the actual appointment itself, although that wasn't much fun either.

I get there and I check in at the front desk and I expected to get a funny look because the computer would say I was there for an annual Pap test. But no, it just said I was there for a physical...or else the lady didn't look at it that carefully.

I get called back to the doctor's office (this is not the OB/GYN dept., just a regular doctors' suite) and escorted to an exam room, and the assistant asks me, "So, what're you here for today?" I figured she'd already have seen it on my chart, but I tell her I'm there for a physical. I would have left it at that, but I knew she had to get the stuff out and set the room up, so I say, "...and an annual Pap." She just gave me a look like, "You're joking, right? And that's not a very funny joke. "

But she didn't say anything. She was just looking at me. So I said, "Well, I know you don't get a lot of guys in here for that, but I'm an FTM." I guess she knew what that meant, because she was just like, "Oh, OK," and started getting out the stuff for the test. I think she was a little flustered but she got her composure back pretty quickly. I always wonder what's going through people's heads at a moment like that.

The nurse practitioner I saw was very cool. I found out about her from some other FTM patients that she sees. She did all the other business first, medical history, listening to my chest, etc., and then it was time for the main event. Put your feet up in the stirrups, scoot down to the end of the table...same old drill. It was uncomfortable, but not too bad and she got it over with pretty quickly. I didn't feel as violated as I usually do after something like that. The most humiliating thing was having to wear the dorky exam gown they give you.

I guess it was weird having someone poking around down there and talking about my labia or my cervix or whatever. I don't even think about it in those terms anymore. I mean, I know what's down there, but it seems kind of abstract or...foreign, I guess. Having someone else looking at it and talking about it kind of forced me to acknowledge, oh, yeah, I do still have a vagina and all those other parts.

Aside from that, and the minor discomfort it really wasn't so bad after all, and I got it over with for the next year or two. Or so I thought. I just got an email from her saying that the results were inconclusive because there were an inadequate number of cells in the sample, so they'd have to do another one. Which means I get to go through this whole process again, from making the phone call to riding in the stirrups.

Fantastic. I'll keep you posted.