Ball busting

Sometimes I've wondered how I should react if I ever get kicked in the balls...seeing as how I don't actually have balls. Should I just stand there and go, "Haha!" and let everyone think I have an iron crotch? Or should I feign the pain and distress of actually getting kicked in the nuts? Would I know how to pull that off? Probably not.

Sometimes I worry that I could out myself as being trans if I don't respond appropriately to a threat to my nuts. Like one time in a martial arts class, the teacher used me to demonstrate a move, and it culminated in him feigning a knee to my groin. Afterwards, I wondered, did I take that a little too nonchalantly?

It occurred to me again today as I was riding my bike while doing something stupid - talking on my cell phone. So I had the cell phone in one hand and I was riding down the street, and finally I figured that might not be such a good idea, so I pulled over onto the sidewalk. But that wasn't such a great idea either, because then I had to brake suddenly, with one hand, to avoid a pedestrian and a tree, while still talking on the phone. The result was that I lurched forward and what would be my scrotal area came into abrupt contact with the stem of my handlebars.

It didn't qualify as a real nut-crushing event. If in fact I did have testicles, they would have just brushed the frame, and I would have been like, "Damn, that was close!" In reality, I had an advantage, since my rubber packer would provide padding for my actual genital area in the event of an impact.

As it is, I have other problems...I've been biking so much I think I'm getting saddle sores on my labia majora. I guess if I did have balls I'd be getting numb nuts. If it's not one thing, it's another.