Pain in the ass

So, I've been having pain in my hip joints and low back lately, and of more concern, in my lower pelvic abdominal area, in my, um, ovarian region. I've had a pelvic ultrasound before and would really not like to repeat the experience, so I set out to find a non-gynecological cause for the pain.

With a little online research and a trip to my massage therapist, I determined the trouble was my ass. My ass is too tight. I've developed this habit of constantly tensing my gluteal muscles, especially when I stand or walk. The pelvic pain is referred from muscle trigger points. In other words, I need to unclench.

I thought about why I would hold my body in this posture when it was really kind of tiring and uncomfortable. What happens when you stand this way is that your feet turn out a bit and your pelvis is thrust forward. Your walk becomes a stiffened swagger, like John Wayne when he's just gotten off his horse.

When I was early on in my transition, and not sure if I was passing all the time, I read some tips on how to use male body language. Somewhere I read that men tend to let their pelvis lead when they walk. Makes sense. And even if you don't have a dick, if you wear a packer your attention automatically shifts to your crotch. So I've been standing and walking to push my package forward and make it more prominent.

I realized I also do it to make the lines of my body more masculine. Most of my body fat has redistributed into a male pattern, and I've lost a lot of weight, but there's still a little extra hanging around my hips. If I clench, it makes the lines of my body more angular and minimizes my hips.

I'm sure you could also read something into this about embodying rigid stereotypes of masculinity.

Anyway, my resolution for the new year is to loosen up. And try not to care if my ass looks a little wider. It's OK, I've already come to terms with the fact that I'll never look good in skinny jeans, and it's not breaking my heart.